Thursday, February 16, 2006
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Cunnilingus -- Oral Stimulation for Women
Author: Dr. Louanne Cole This segment of information is for both women and men. It will give you guidelines about how to stimulate women orally and about how women feel about receiving it. You can use your mouth and tongue in many ways during a sexual encounter, but the term "oral sex" is used most often to describe oral-genital contact. Many women enjoy being pleasured by their partner's mouth and tongue, but not all women are completely comfortable about having it done to them or admitting that it causes them a great deal of sexual pleasure. Many people like the idea of creating sexual pleasure for a woman, but not everyone feels comfortable about doing so with their mouth. This can be due to a lack of confidence about doing it "right" or because there are some aspects of oral sex which create obstacles for the giver or the receiver. Cunnilingus is among the most intimate sexual acts two people can do together. For some women, it is the source of their most intense orgasms. For others, it is a source of much embarrassment. This segment of information is designed to clear up misconceptions about cunnilingus, decrease any guilt or anxiety you or your partner may feel and maximize your pleasure either in giving or receiving. Since the tongue is softer than fingers, it can be used to give the gentlest stimulation possible to the clitoris and vaginal lips. For many women this gentle touch is what puts oral sex so high on their list. Many like it either as a prelude to other sexual acts such as intercourse or in itself as a complete and fulfilling path to orgasm. A woman will probably find cunnilingus extremely satisfying as long as she feels her partner too is enjoying it. Few things detract from a woman's pleasure during oral sex as much as the suspicion that it is being done as a duty or, worse yet, as work. Cunnilingus can turn to "work" when a partner feels confused about how to do it. While every woman is different in what turns her on during oral sex, some general tips can be offered when approaching a new partner. The key, of course, in this and every other sexual experience is communication. And this communication needs to occur in both directions. Let's begin with some basic guidelines about technique. Start by nuzzling in the general area near her genitals, but don't immediately dive into them. Many women prefer a little time for arousal to build up by sheer anticipation. Let your mouth graze her pubic hair, lower stomach and the insides of her thighs. After spending some time doing this, drift in the direction of the large lips where you might want to run your tongue the length of them. Later, move to the small lips. You can experiment by nuzzling them and gently licking them. Incidentally, the term "cunnilingus" comes from the Latin "cunnus" for vulva (the correct term for women's outside visible genitals) and "lingere," Latin for licking. Feel free to explore the nooks and crannies of a woman's vulva. Eventually work your way to her clitoris. Kiss and lick all around the clitoris. Be sure to note your partner's responses and act accordingly. At first you may want to approach and move away some, in other words, tease her orally. Later when you are intending to increase her arousal and possibly create an orgasm, you'll want to stay in the area of the clitoris. Some women prefer the stimulation to stay right on the clitoris. Others like it best when the stimulation is indirect. And to make matters a little more confusing, these preferences can change from one sexual encounter to the next with the same partner. Some women are shy about revealing to their partners just how they would like to be pleasured. Invite your partner to guide you either with words like "up a little," "to the left some," or by gently guiding the position of your head. This greatly helps to avoid the situation of oral sex feeling like "work." You can add your own flourishes when pleasuring a woman this way. Include fingers in or around her vulva and vagina. Insert your tongue a bit into her vagina. Try vibrating your tongue rapidly near her clitoris. Try using your hands on any part of her body you can comfortably reach. These gestures often bring an additional closeness that is easily overlooked during oral sex. Many women enjoy oral sex but worry about whether they will taste or smell unpleasant to their partner. Provided your genitals are kept clean by daily bathing and are free of vaginal infections, they will only have the normal healthy smell of sexual arousal. Usually this will be both pleasant and exciting to your partner. It is easy to check your scent by gathering a little of your vaginal lubrication on your finger tip after you have bathed and smelling it and perhaps tasting it. This should reassure you that your scent is fine. If there is an unpleasant odor or one that makes you uncomfortable, bathe by immersing your genitals in some water. Even just a few inches in the tub will be enough. If an odor or discharge is there soon after bathing in this fashion, consult your gynecologist since you may have a vaginal infection. Since the vagina is a self-cleaning organ when healthy, avoid douching unless your gynecologist recommends it specifically. Douching can accidentally wash out the helpful bacteria and bring about vaginal irritation that may lead to infection. Preferences about oral sex during menstruation vary from couple to couple. Since the clitoris is up and away from the vaginal opening, quite a bit of oral pleasure can be provided to the clitoris without encountering menstrual fluid. Some women use a diaphragm during their periods to hold back their flow and decrease any "mess" during either intercourse or oral sex. It's best to remove the diaphragm after the sex is over and replace it with a tampon or napkin, as you prefer. Some women have concerns about oral sex because they are afraid that they might lose control over their bladders during orgasm. Some women have the experience of a "female ejaculation" during which a fluid similar to semen without the sperm is released. If this happens to you, I suggest that you let your partner know that it is a possibility. Couples often handle this by spreading a towel beneath them in case it happens. Some people report that this ejaculation can be very sexually arousing to both the woman and her partner. If your partner is truly uncomfortable with it, simply take your oral pleasuring to a point that you know is this side of ejaculation and stop there. Some women are uncomfortable with receiving oral pleasure because it's difficult for them to accept their own genitals as being attractive to their partner. It usually enhances a woman's arousal during oral sex if she feels that her vagina, clitoris, pubic hair and vaginal lips are clean and beautiful. If a woman has not accepted this part of her body as attractive, she usually winds up with a mixed set of feelings. On the one hand she's aroused and stimulated, on the other hand she worries about "down there" not being acceptable or a turn-on. Lubrication, menstrual fluids and ejaculation are all safe to ingest provided you are with a partner who is absolutely free of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). However, many people have sex with individuals whose STD status they just don't know for sure. In the 60's and 70's contracting an STD could be embarrassing, uncomfortable or painful, but it was treatable. AIDS has changed that picture. Therefore it is a bad idea to receive fluids from a woman's body into your mouth -- unless you know with certainty that she is free of all STDs. Some scientists believe that saliva contains a substance which inactivates the virus we currently believe is responsible for transmitting AIDS. Other authorities do not agree. But nearly everyone agrees that the virus can be transmitted into the bloodstream if there are mouth sores, infections or bleeding gums (which are quite common). Some devices have been invented that allow you to stimulate a woman orally while protecting against the transmission of STDs. Dental dams, which can be purchased in a pharmacy, can be spread over a woman's vulva to prevent the exchange of vaginal secretions and saliva. To heighten the pleasure, I recommend putting plenty of warm lubricant on the woman's vulva. To make the flavor of the dental dam a little more pleasant, put a mint or lifesaver in your mouth. While this may not be the exact picture of oral sex you had in mind, a great deal of pleasure is possible if you and your partner focus on the sensations the experience provides. There will be times when a partner will not want to orally pleasure a woman. Some men believe that it is not masculine to do so because it doesn't involve their penis. This attitude usually comes from the belief that intercourse is the only "right" way to have sex and that deviating from it is inferior sex. Still others hold a taboo that oral sex is only performed by homosexuals. This is simply not true. In fact, one study conducted by Redbook in 1977 indicated that nearly all women born after 1950 liked receiving oral love play. Some people will avoid cunnilingus because the woman they're with is too pungent. The solution to this is simple -- bathe together and make it part of your prelude to other sexual experiences. Don't needlessly avoid doing something that you enjoy a great deal when you could easily have it the way you want it. Another reason that people refrain from oral sex is that their partner seldom or never offers the same to them. While it's not a good idea to keep close accounting of who's doing what to whom, if things seem really out of balance, it's time to talk about it. Sometimes women lose out on oral pleasure because they haven't reciprocated to their partners very much. This turns sex into an experience of gradual withdrawal rather than one of increasing openness and pleasure. If you enjoyed learning by reading this segment, you many also be interested in the audio series I co-authored called Love, Sex and Dating in the 90's, as well as the video series called How to Meet Men and How to Meet Women. I'm Dr. Louanne Cole wishing you great sex.
Author: Dr. Louanne Cole This segment of information is for both women and men. It will give you guidelines about how to stimulate women orally and about how women feel about receiving it. You can use your mouth and tongue in many ways during a sexual encounter, but the term "oral sex" is used most often to describe oral-genital contact. Many women enjoy being pleasured by their partner's mouth and tongue, but not all women are completely comfortable about having it done to them or admitting that it causes them a great deal of sexual pleasure. Many people like the idea of creating sexual pleasure for a woman, but not everyone feels comfortable about doing so with their mouth. This can be due to a lack of confidence about doing it "right" or because there are some aspects of oral sex which create obstacles for the giver or the receiver. Cunnilingus is among the most intimate sexual acts two people can do together. For some women, it is the source of their most intense orgasms. For others, it is a source of much embarrassment. This segment of information is designed to clear up misconceptions about cunnilingus, decrease any guilt or anxiety you or your partner may feel and maximize your pleasure either in giving or receiving. Since the tongue is softer than fingers, it can be used to give the gentlest stimulation possible to the clitoris and vaginal lips. For many women this gentle touch is what puts oral sex so high on their list. Many like it either as a prelude to other sexual acts such as intercourse or in itself as a complete and fulfilling path to orgasm. A woman will probably find cunnilingus extremely satisfying as long as she feels her partner too is enjoying it. Few things detract from a woman's pleasure during oral sex as much as the suspicion that it is being done as a duty or, worse yet, as work. Cunnilingus can turn to "work" when a partner feels confused about how to do it. While every woman is different in what turns her on during oral sex, some general tips can be offered when approaching a new partner. The key, of course, in this and every other sexual experience is communication. And this communication needs to occur in both directions. Let's begin with some basic guidelines about technique. Start by nuzzling in the general area near her genitals, but don't immediately dive into them. Many women prefer a little time for arousal to build up by sheer anticipation. Let your mouth graze her pubic hair, lower stomach and the insides of her thighs. After spending some time doing this, drift in the direction of the large lips where you might want to run your tongue the length of them. Later, move to the small lips. You can experiment by nuzzling them and gently licking them. Incidentally, the term "cunnilingus" comes from the Latin "cunnus" for vulva (the correct term for women's outside visible genitals) and "lingere," Latin for licking. Feel free to explore the nooks and crannies of a woman's vulva. Eventually work your way to her clitoris. Kiss and lick all around the clitoris. Be sure to note your partner's responses and act accordingly. At first you may want to approach and move away some, in other words, tease her orally. Later when you are intending to increase her arousal and possibly create an orgasm, you'll want to stay in the area of the clitoris. Some women prefer the stimulation to stay right on the clitoris. Others like it best when the stimulation is indirect. And to make matters a little more confusing, these preferences can change from one sexual encounter to the next with the same partner. Some women are shy about revealing to their partners just how they would like to be pleasured. Invite your partner to guide you either with words like "up a little," "to the left some," or by gently guiding the position of your head. This greatly helps to avoid the situation of oral sex feeling like "work." You can add your own flourishes when pleasuring a woman this way. Include fingers in or around her vulva and vagina. Insert your tongue a bit into her vagina. Try vibrating your tongue rapidly near her clitoris. Try using your hands on any part of her body you can comfortably reach. These gestures often bring an additional closeness that is easily overlooked during oral sex. Many women enjoy oral sex but worry about whether they will taste or smell unpleasant to their partner. Provided your genitals are kept clean by daily bathing and are free of vaginal infections, they will only have the normal healthy smell of sexual arousal. Usually this will be both pleasant and exciting to your partner. It is easy to check your scent by gathering a little of your vaginal lubrication on your finger tip after you have bathed and smelling it and perhaps tasting it. This should reassure you that your scent is fine. If there is an unpleasant odor or one that makes you uncomfortable, bathe by immersing your genitals in some water. Even just a few inches in the tub will be enough. If an odor or discharge is there soon after bathing in this fashion, consult your gynecologist since you may have a vaginal infection. Since the vagina is a self-cleaning organ when healthy, avoid douching unless your gynecologist recommends it specifically. Douching can accidentally wash out the helpful bacteria and bring about vaginal irritation that may lead to infection. Preferences about oral sex during menstruation vary from couple to couple. Since the clitoris is up and away from the vaginal opening, quite a bit of oral pleasure can be provided to the clitoris without encountering menstrual fluid. Some women use a diaphragm during their periods to hold back their flow and decrease any "mess" during either intercourse or oral sex. It's best to remove the diaphragm after the sex is over and replace it with a tampon or napkin, as you prefer. Some women have concerns about oral sex because they are afraid that they might lose control over their bladders during orgasm. Some women have the experience of a "female ejaculation" during which a fluid similar to semen without the sperm is released. If this happens to you, I suggest that you let your partner know that it is a possibility. Couples often handle this by spreading a towel beneath them in case it happens. Some people report that this ejaculation can be very sexually arousing to both the woman and her partner. If your partner is truly uncomfortable with it, simply take your oral pleasuring to a point that you know is this side of ejaculation and stop there. Some women are uncomfortable with receiving oral pleasure because it's difficult for them to accept their own genitals as being attractive to their partner. It usually enhances a woman's arousal during oral sex if she feels that her vagina, clitoris, pubic hair and vaginal lips are clean and beautiful. If a woman has not accepted this part of her body as attractive, she usually winds up with a mixed set of feelings. On the one hand she's aroused and stimulated, on the other hand she worries about "down there" not being acceptable or a turn-on. Lubrication, menstrual fluids and ejaculation are all safe to ingest provided you are with a partner who is absolutely free of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). However, many people have sex with individuals whose STD status they just don't know for sure. In the 60's and 70's contracting an STD could be embarrassing, uncomfortable or painful, but it was treatable. AIDS has changed that picture. Therefore it is a bad idea to receive fluids from a woman's body into your mouth -- unless you know with certainty that she is free of all STDs. Some scientists believe that saliva contains a substance which inactivates the virus we currently believe is responsible for transmitting AIDS. Other authorities do not agree. But nearly everyone agrees that the virus can be transmitted into the bloodstream if there are mouth sores, infections or bleeding gums (which are quite common). Some devices have been invented that allow you to stimulate a woman orally while protecting against the transmission of STDs. Dental dams, which can be purchased in a pharmacy, can be spread over a woman's vulva to prevent the exchange of vaginal secretions and saliva. To heighten the pleasure, I recommend putting plenty of warm lubricant on the woman's vulva. To make the flavor of the dental dam a little more pleasant, put a mint or lifesaver in your mouth. While this may not be the exact picture of oral sex you had in mind, a great deal of pleasure is possible if you and your partner focus on the sensations the experience provides. There will be times when a partner will not want to orally pleasure a woman. Some men believe that it is not masculine to do so because it doesn't involve their penis. This attitude usually comes from the belief that intercourse is the only "right" way to have sex and that deviating from it is inferior sex. Still others hold a taboo that oral sex is only performed by homosexuals. This is simply not true. In fact, one study conducted by Redbook in 1977 indicated that nearly all women born after 1950 liked receiving oral love play. Some people will avoid cunnilingus because the woman they're with is too pungent. The solution to this is simple -- bathe together and make it part of your prelude to other sexual experiences. Don't needlessly avoid doing something that you enjoy a great deal when you could easily have it the way you want it. Another reason that people refrain from oral sex is that their partner seldom or never offers the same to them. While it's not a good idea to keep close accounting of who's doing what to whom, if things seem really out of balance, it's time to talk about it. Sometimes women lose out on oral pleasure because they haven't reciprocated to their partners very much. This turns sex into an experience of gradual withdrawal rather than one of increasing openness and pleasure. If you enjoyed learning by reading this segment, you many also be interested in the audio series I co-authored called Love, Sex and Dating in the 90's, as well as the video series called How to Meet Men and How to Meet Women. I'm Dr. Louanne Cole wishing you great sex.
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